I’m glad you’re all here. We have some important things to go over. We all know what it’s like to be strung, built up and torn down, lied to and otherwise crapped on. But I’m here to tell you some truth. Now I know this will be especially hard on some of you.
That’s right. I’m talking to you.
No, not you. You look like you have a support system… aka "friends."
I’m talking to you! The guy without a shirt. Don’t look around like you expect to find another shirtless guy there sitting to your left. Yes. I'm actually talking to you. Cover that up. There’s only one Matthew McConaughey and you are not he.
Now where was I? Oh yes, the truth.
Movies suck.
There. I said it. Don’t look at me like that. Where do you go after you’ve seen a new movie? Yeah, that’s right. You come here. To the internet so you can blog or vlog or pog (do people still pog?) and generally whine about the state of cinema today. They’re all the same! What do movies have? The same formulas, the same scenarios. Even the supposed twist endings are all flops!
Did anybody see The Happening? Did anybody see anything happen? Neither did I!
That’s right, Shamalan. I’ve got your number. You may be the master of suspense in your circle of butt smoochers but to me you’re still just the guy that wrote Stuart Little.
And what don’t movies have?..... Me. next